This week we talked a lot about "disrupted placements," which mostly means foster parents giving the kids back.
A lot of people in class were disturbed by the idea that this even happens. One woman in particular felt really strongly that foster families shouldn't be allowed to just throw in the towel whenever they feel like it. Someone else thought the idea of a kid not fulfilling a foster parent's expectations was just dumb, because how stupid would you have to be to have any kind of expectations about how a foster kid would do in your home?
Then, of course, that same person admitted that sure, he has expectations. We all do. If you didn't expect something positive to come out of your fostering experience—a kid safely reunited with family, or happily adopted, or even returned to a bad situation with a bit more mental resilience than they had before—you wouldn't sign up for foster parenting.
And yet it's inevitable that some people's experiences won't be positive at all. I'm pretty sure that for most of us in the class, there's an experience we could conceivably have with fostering that would make us think, Wow, that was a really bad idea; it would have been better if I'd never started down this road in the first place.
That's the risk we're taking. It would be naive of us to think that being willing to work hard guarantees a good outcome. It doesn't. I have some of that naive optimism—I think you'd almost have to, to make it even this far into the process—but in the back of my mind, I'm also prepared for the possibility that I might fail.
Saturday, March 3
Monday, February 27
Low goals
I've been pretty busy since the start of 2012, and one of the ways I've kept things under control is by cutting back on exercise.
Cutting back on exercise?? Say it ain't so!
Where exercise is concerned, I don't live in a fantasy world. I'm committed to exercise, but no more committed than I am to several other things, such as work, keeping a decently clean house, and being available when my family and friends want my company.
Probably the biggest secret to my successful track record of sticking with regular exercise is that I hold myself to low (but absolute) standards. When I'm pressed for time, I don't push myself to do any more than the CDC-recommended minimum exercise for adults. Basically, that's 75 minutes of running a week (or 150 minutes of walking), and two fairly quick sessions of strength training.
That level of activity isn't going to win me any fitness awards. But it's a level I can maintain even when I'm busy, even when I'm having problems. In the past year, I can think of only one or two occasions when I've missed workouts on this schedule for any reason other than illness and life-or-death emergency.
Cutting back on exercise?? Say it ain't so!
Where exercise is concerned, I don't live in a fantasy world. I'm committed to exercise, but no more committed than I am to several other things, such as work, keeping a decently clean house, and being available when my family and friends want my company.
Probably the biggest secret to my successful track record of sticking with regular exercise is that I hold myself to low (but absolute) standards. When I'm pressed for time, I don't push myself to do any more than the CDC-recommended minimum exercise for adults. Basically, that's 75 minutes of running a week (or 150 minutes of walking), and two fairly quick sessions of strength training.
That level of activity isn't going to win me any fitness awards. But it's a level I can maintain even when I'm busy, even when I'm having problems. In the past year, I can think of only one or two occasions when I've missed workouts on this schedule for any reason other than illness and life-or-death emergency.
Saturday, February 25
Because being a kid from Durham wouldn't be the same if kids from Chapel Hill didn't ask whether you're in a gang.
No one ever seems to know what I'm talking about when I mention the Keep Durham Disreputable sticker. As the queen of high bumper-sticker standards—I got bored with Northern Sun many years ago—I gotta say, even I am impressed by the cleverness of this sticker.
Apparently it originated here. What a shame! I'd still pay a cool five dollars for one of those things.
Apparently it originated here. What a shame! I'd still pay a cool five dollars for one of those things.
Friday, February 24
MAPP class #6
Technically, if you take everything in MAPP class at face value, there are no mixed messages. The curriculum is clear about what a foster home is: a temporary safe haven (no more, no less).
But at the same time, it's hard to imagine how anyone could go through MAPP and not ask themself, Is this really something I should do if I don't want to adopt? You learn that in practice (these days, anyway) children in foster care who come up for adoption are often adopted by their foster families. You learn how damaging it is for a kid to be moved from one home to another. You learn that you need to try like hell to get your foster child to attach to you, because that's usually what's best for them, even if their relationship with you ends up being temporary.
I know some people would say I shouldn't be talking about foster care this way—and they're probably right that there are good reasons not to. The pool of good foster homes out there is small enough already without putting out a sign that says, "Foster parenting: You'd better be able to get it together to adopt." Good-but-definitely-temporary foster homes are better than bad foster homes (or no foster homes).
But the challenge of being ready to support either reunification or adoption is actually what drew me to foster care in the first place. I know that sounds nuts (and I know that it's possible that I'll do it once and decide I can never, ever do it again). I know that it's something few people can do well, either because they don't want to adopt or because they're hyper-focused on adoption.
I happen to be in the in-between zone. I would be happy to adopt sometime soon; I'd also be happy not to. I'm not attached to any particular idea of how I'm going to spend the next few years, which is why I'm pursuing foster care now. This willingness to live my life without a script may not stay with me forever, and as long as it's here, I want to try to use it to do some good.
But at the same time, it's hard to imagine how anyone could go through MAPP and not ask themself, Is this really something I should do if I don't want to adopt? You learn that in practice (these days, anyway) children in foster care who come up for adoption are often adopted by their foster families. You learn how damaging it is for a kid to be moved from one home to another. You learn that you need to try like hell to get your foster child to attach to you, because that's usually what's best for them, even if their relationship with you ends up being temporary.
I know some people would say I shouldn't be talking about foster care this way—and they're probably right that there are good reasons not to. The pool of good foster homes out there is small enough already without putting out a sign that says, "Foster parenting: You'd better be able to get it together to adopt." Good-but-definitely-temporary foster homes are better than bad foster homes (or no foster homes).
But the challenge of being ready to support either reunification or adoption is actually what drew me to foster care in the first place. I know that sounds nuts (and I know that it's possible that I'll do it once and decide I can never, ever do it again). I know that it's something few people can do well, either because they don't want to adopt or because they're hyper-focused on adoption.
I happen to be in the in-between zone. I would be happy to adopt sometime soon; I'd also be happy not to. I'm not attached to any particular idea of how I'm going to spend the next few years, which is why I'm pursuing foster care now. This willingness to live my life without a script may not stay with me forever, and as long as it's here, I want to try to use it to do some good.
Wednesday, February 22
Best-poem-ever day
Folks, you know the drill by now. It's Ash Wednesday, so get your Eliot on! (Or, if you still don't get what it is about this poem, try reading Karen Armstrong's book. I am happy to lend it to you.)
As for me, Eliot and I are in a down phase of our relationship again. I don't even have two poems of the Four Quartets fully memorized yet. I want all four of them, and then I want The Hollow Men, but instead of going out and getting them, I listen to music and read W.H. Auden. Not to diss Auden, who deserves my praise—but he should come second in my heart, not first.
As for me, Eliot and I are in a down phase of our relationship again. I don't even have two poems of the Four Quartets fully memorized yet. I want all four of them, and then I want The Hollow Men, but instead of going out and getting them, I listen to music and read W.H. Auden. Not to diss Auden, who deserves my praise—but he should come second in my heart, not first.
Monday, February 20
MAPP class #5
This week we talked discipline. I expected everyone else to talk about having been spanked; I didn't expect that most people in the room would have stories about being hit with objects. Belts, wooden spoons, switches. It wasn't literally everyone, but it sure felt like it.
I thought about shocking them all by saying that I could only remember one time in my whole childhood when my parents enforced any kind of negative consequence on me. But there was that woman who thinks I'd make a great foster parent sitting across the room, and I couldn't imagine what she'd think of me if she knew I'd never been sent to my room, never been grounded, never even been assigned extra chores or made to skip dessert.
I was raised to think that disciplinary techniques aren't necessary—that good parents prevent problems before they come up. I don't actually think that's true; I'm sure my parents were very good at preventative discipline, but I also think they had kids who were genetically predisposed to be quiet and compliant. In the back of my mind I've always thought that I'd probably never have to worry about big discipline problems, either, because my own kids would have a genetic makeup that was half mine.
Obviously, the gulf between all this and what I'll experience if I'm a foster parent couldn't be wider. I try to tell myself that that contrast is healthy, that because I was raised safe, loved, attached, and without trauma, I'll be an oasis for a child.
That's what I tell myself, but it doesn't stop me from picturing a hundred different ways I could get in over my head with just an average misbehaving kid—let alone one who's spent a significant part of their life feeling scared, angry, lonely, or betrayed.
I thought about shocking them all by saying that I could only remember one time in my whole childhood when my parents enforced any kind of negative consequence on me. But there was that woman who thinks I'd make a great foster parent sitting across the room, and I couldn't imagine what she'd think of me if she knew I'd never been sent to my room, never been grounded, never even been assigned extra chores or made to skip dessert.
I was raised to think that disciplinary techniques aren't necessary—that good parents prevent problems before they come up. I don't actually think that's true; I'm sure my parents were very good at preventative discipline, but I also think they had kids who were genetically predisposed to be quiet and compliant. In the back of my mind I've always thought that I'd probably never have to worry about big discipline problems, either, because my own kids would have a genetic makeup that was half mine.
Obviously, the gulf between all this and what I'll experience if I'm a foster parent couldn't be wider. I try to tell myself that that contrast is healthy, that because I was raised safe, loved, attached, and without trauma, I'll be an oasis for a child.
That's what I tell myself, but it doesn't stop me from picturing a hundred different ways I could get in over my head with just an average misbehaving kid—let alone one who's spent a significant part of their life feeling scared, angry, lonely, or betrayed.
Saturday, February 18
Durham fail; Durham win
My relationship with Durham was pretty much one long fail.
Some of it wasn't my fault, but the biggest parts were. I was the one who freaked at the idea of having to go to a high school that was eighty-something percent black. I was the one who dismissed everything north of South Square as "hard to find."
Durham and I are slowly rebuilding our relationship. Emphasis on slowly. This week we had dinner and didn't get lost on the way home. That's progress! Maybe next week we'll get lost on purpose, just as a reminder that it isn't all that bad.
Some of it wasn't my fault, but the biggest parts were. I was the one who freaked at the idea of having to go to a high school that was eighty-something percent black. I was the one who dismissed everything north of South Square as "hard to find."
Durham and I are slowly rebuilding our relationship. Emphasis on slowly. This week we had dinner and didn't get lost on the way home. That's progress! Maybe next week we'll get lost on purpose, just as a reminder that it isn't all that bad.
Thursday, February 16
Get the word out about Amendment One (for the right reasons)
For me, Amendment One is a no-brainer. It would write into the North Carolina constitution that we can't have gay marriage. I want there to be gay marriage in North Carolina someday, so I'll be voting against Amendment One. Not much analysis required.
But the campaign against Amendment One is bringing up all kinds of other stuff. The first two or three opinion pieces I read said that I, a straight person, should be really worried about Amendment One, because if it passes, my domestic partner and I won't get any kind of legal rights or government recognition for our relationship.
Anti-Amendment One campaigners: this is exactly the way NOT to appeal to me and thousands of other North Carolina voters. We don't need, or want, any kind of legal recognition for domestic partners. We think society should privilege marriage over simply living together.
Some people who think this way are very opposed to gay marriage, and they'll vote for Amendment One. Some of them, like me, are committed to extending marriage rights to gay people, and they'll vote against. But some of them are on the fence. Some of them are going to hear these arguments and think, The churches are right; this gay rights thing really is about undermining marriage.
A lot of other scary-sounding things are being brought up around Amendment One. Some people are saying it could make it harder to prosecute domestic violence. Some are saying it could invalidate wills and end-of-life directives and that sort of thing. Some are even saying it could interfere with the custody rights of a biological parent who has never been married to their child's other biological parent.
I honestly don't know how much credence to give this stuff. One side says it could happen; the other side says no way. That's the problem with laws and amendments—not even the legal scholars really know how things are going to be interpreted in court and what all the different outcomes are that might happen.
The real, solid, undeniable reasons to oppose Amendment One are that it would privilege straight people over gay people, and families with straight parents over families with gay parents. It would say to gay people, once again: You're not wanted here.
Unless you're really, really sure you want all of those things to happen, plan to vote against Amendment One this May.
But the campaign against Amendment One is bringing up all kinds of other stuff. The first two or three opinion pieces I read said that I, a straight person, should be really worried about Amendment One, because if it passes, my domestic partner and I won't get any kind of legal rights or government recognition for our relationship.
Anti-Amendment One campaigners: this is exactly the way NOT to appeal to me and thousands of other North Carolina voters. We don't need, or want, any kind of legal recognition for domestic partners. We think society should privilege marriage over simply living together.
Some people who think this way are very opposed to gay marriage, and they'll vote for Amendment One. Some of them, like me, are committed to extending marriage rights to gay people, and they'll vote against. But some of them are on the fence. Some of them are going to hear these arguments and think, The churches are right; this gay rights thing really is about undermining marriage.
A lot of other scary-sounding things are being brought up around Amendment One. Some people are saying it could make it harder to prosecute domestic violence. Some are saying it could invalidate wills and end-of-life directives and that sort of thing. Some are even saying it could interfere with the custody rights of a biological parent who has never been married to their child's other biological parent.
I honestly don't know how much credence to give this stuff. One side says it could happen; the other side says no way. That's the problem with laws and amendments—not even the legal scholars really know how things are going to be interpreted in court and what all the different outcomes are that might happen.
The real, solid, undeniable reasons to oppose Amendment One are that it would privilege straight people over gay people, and families with straight parents over families with gay parents. It would say to gay people, once again: You're not wanted here.
Unless you're really, really sure you want all of those things to happen, plan to vote against Amendment One this May.
Thursday, February 9
MAPP class #4
Things are starting to get a little confusing, which is almost a relief. This is foster care! If it isn't confusing, you're probably doing it wrong.
Things that happened this week:
I found out that I won't be able to foster in my one-bedroom apartment (except maybe a kid under 24 months? I'm still not entirely clear on this point). The state regulations are not impressed with my assertion that I'm part Japanese in my soul and actually like sleeping on a futon. (Me: It's not some crappy American futon, it's an authentic futon! Look, it even folds up! State regs: NOT IMPRESSED.)
I decided to drop out of MAPP class, but one of the licensing workers talked me out of it. Why is she so eager to take the trouble to license someone who can't house any kids? Because she wants to throw a baby at me? Because she's desperate for someone to do respite care? Because she has magical powers to see into my soul and can tell that I'm serious about making this fostering thing happen at some point? Again, I'm not totally clear on what's going on.
Cat. Attachment disorder. I'm not going to elaborate any further.
The one woman in our class who is already a foster parent—a woman I didn't particularly want to talk to, because I imagined she would think that I'm spoiled and naive and have no idea what I'm getting into—told me after class that she thinks I would make a great foster parent. I can't imagine anything anyone could have said to make me happier.
Things that happened this week:
I found out that I won't be able to foster in my one-bedroom apartment (except maybe a kid under 24 months? I'm still not entirely clear on this point). The state regulations are not impressed with my assertion that I'm part Japanese in my soul and actually like sleeping on a futon. (Me: It's not some crappy American futon, it's an authentic futon! Look, it even folds up! State regs: NOT IMPRESSED.)
I decided to drop out of MAPP class, but one of the licensing workers talked me out of it. Why is she so eager to take the trouble to license someone who can't house any kids? Because she wants to throw a baby at me? Because she's desperate for someone to do respite care? Because she has magical powers to see into my soul and can tell that I'm serious about making this fostering thing happen at some point? Again, I'm not totally clear on what's going on.
Cat. Attachment disorder. I'm not going to elaborate any further.
The one woman in our class who is already a foster parent—a woman I didn't particularly want to talk to, because I imagined she would think that I'm spoiled and naive and have no idea what I'm getting into—told me after class that she thinks I would make a great foster parent. I can't imagine anything anyone could have said to make me happier.
Monday, February 6
The ironic bunny
Susie (after a Corona or two): That bunny sort of embodies all my fears about getting overly domesticated as I age.
Mom: It does what?
Susie: You can, like, feel your testosterone levels dropping just looking at it.
Richard: Haha, yeah, you totally can.
Mom: I never liked that bunny much, anyway.
Susie: What? That thing's been sitting on the kitchen counter my entire life. What do you mean you don't like it?
Mom: Well, it was the kind of thing where Dad really liked it, and I thought, okay, I can tolerate this because he really likes it...
Dad: (strangled sound)
Susie: The bunny was DAD?!?!
Dad: Okay, so I sort of liked it. But it was the kind of liking where I knew it was over the top.
Susie: You mean the bunny is ironic? My whole life I've been thinking that bunny was literal, and it's IRONIC?
Dad: Of course it is. You know how ironic I am.
Susie: I didn't know! Did you know?!
Richard: I had no idea!
Mom: You don't know how many times I knocked that bunny over and I worried I was going to chip its ear, and Dad liked it so much...
Susie: How many other things in this house are ironic? Is the chair of bowlies ironic? Because, Dad, Mom's been pinning that one all on you. She said it was your mother's taste being passed down.
Dad: We bought that because you liked it.
Mom: No, we bought it because YOU liked it!
Susie: ...This is what they don't tell you about married life.
Sunday, February 5
(And don't get me started on Tim Gunn; I could talk all night.)
Why the heck did I buy these shower curtain hooks? Because Clinton Kelly told me my plastic rings were tacky, and I believed him, thus dooming myself to six months of accidentally pulling these darn things off the shower curtain rod.
Oh well. Clinton's forgiven, because he set me on my present course of kitchen-and-bathroom-cleanliness (and because he's a man with standards in style *and* grammar; be still my heart).
But what do I do with a dozen stainless-steel shower curtain hooks? Someone give me a clever idea, fast.
(I couldn't bear to disappoint Clinton by going back to plastic. I got rings that involve the terms "chrome" and "nickel-plated.")
Friday, February 3
MAPP class #3
There's this running joke in MAPP class about, "You're all here for teenagers, right?" (We laugh nervously in reply.)
The truth is, I have a soft spot for teenagers. Not because there's anything special about them, but just because everyone hates them so much. People who are horrified by the slightest hint of racism, sexism, or homophobia think nothing of saying that all teenagers are out of their minds and that the best that can be said of a teenager is that they were cute when they were two and may be cute again someday when they're twenty.
Obviously, I can't foster a teenager right now—I don't have any place to put one. And even if I did have the space to house a teenager, honestly, I'm not anywhere close to ready. I'm still scared of the idea of fostering a four-year-old, for crying out loud. (Four is old enough to need cartoons for familiarity! Four is old enough to have developed a deep-seated preference for McDonald's! I might have to give up all my educated, crunchy little ideals if I foster a four-year-old!)
But there's a huge need in the foster system for people to take teenagers. In five years, I might be ready. At the very least, I'm going to try to work towards being ready.
The truth is, I have a soft spot for teenagers. Not because there's anything special about them, but just because everyone hates them so much. People who are horrified by the slightest hint of racism, sexism, or homophobia think nothing of saying that all teenagers are out of their minds and that the best that can be said of a teenager is that they were cute when they were two and may be cute again someday when they're twenty.
Obviously, I can't foster a teenager right now—I don't have any place to put one. And even if I did have the space to house a teenager, honestly, I'm not anywhere close to ready. I'm still scared of the idea of fostering a four-year-old, for crying out loud. (Four is old enough to need cartoons for familiarity! Four is old enough to have developed a deep-seated preference for McDonald's! I might have to give up all my educated, crunchy little ideals if I foster a four-year-old!)
But there's a huge need in the foster system for people to take teenagers. In five years, I might be ready. At the very least, I'm going to try to work towards being ready.
Thursday, February 2
Matrimony? Matrimony!
Richard got engaged last weekend. Wow! Everyone except me claimed to have seen it coming; I'm clueless like that. But I'd rather be surprised, anyway.
Congratulations, Richard and Emily. I am totally honored that you asked me to stand up in your wedding—and thanks for giving me a reason to finally get off my butt and learn Spanish! (I'm going to start before you get married, I swear, I swear...)
Congratulations, Richard and Emily. I am totally honored that you asked me to stand up in your wedding—and thanks for giving me a reason to finally get off my butt and learn Spanish! (I'm going to start before you get married, I swear, I swear...)
Friday, January 27
MAPP class #2
People ask me who's in my class.* So far, by my count, we've got six straight couples, one gay couple, and, including me, three or four single women. Blacks, hispanics, and Asians are represented (in small numbers). There's one person there who looks to be about my age, but everyone else is mid-thirties to fifty.
EVERYONE in the class is an animal person. "I have three cats! I have two horses! I have a horse, too! And a goat! And a bunny!"**
They tell us it's a near-certainty that someone will get a call about a placement before we're even done with the nine weeks of class. That sort of boggles my mind. This is the county I live in. It's, well... It's just not the sort of place where I'd expect there to be a lot of need. I thought most of the need was in Durham and Raleigh. I almost didn't even bother to get licensed here, because I thought in order to really meet a need, I'd probably have to go through a private agency that places kids from the cities.
Half of me is afraid I'm going to get a call before I'm mentally prepared. The other half is still kind of skeptical that they would actually place a child with me (with me? really?).
* I'm not even going to bother to spell out MAPP, because you guys would forget what it stands for two minutes later. I've been reading the term for months, and I still don't recall it perfectly half the time. It's straight-up social-work speak.
** MAPP class is kind of confidential, so details are altered slightly.
EVERYONE in the class is an animal person. "I have three cats! I have two horses! I have a horse, too! And a goat! And a bunny!"**
They tell us it's a near-certainty that someone will get a call about a placement before we're even done with the nine weeks of class. That sort of boggles my mind. This is the county I live in. It's, well... It's just not the sort of place where I'd expect there to be a lot of need. I thought most of the need was in Durham and Raleigh. I almost didn't even bother to get licensed here, because I thought in order to really meet a need, I'd probably have to go through a private agency that places kids from the cities.
Half of me is afraid I'm going to get a call before I'm mentally prepared. The other half is still kind of skeptical that they would actually place a child with me (with me? really?).
* I'm not even going to bother to spell out MAPP, because you guys would forget what it stands for two minutes later. I've been reading the term for months, and I still don't recall it perfectly half the time. It's straight-up social-work speak.
** MAPP class is kind of confidential, so details are altered slightly.
Wednesday, January 25
How many households are like yours?
In the multimedia class I'm taking this semester, we look at a lot of good videos, articles, slideshows, etc. My favorite this week was this infographic: How many households are like yours?. It's well-designed and covers pretty close to everything (how many households do you think there are in the United States that consist of a single woman and her grandchild?).
Saturday, January 21
MAPP class #1
These people aren't messing around. I came home Thursday night with several pounds of paperwork and reading, and someone will be calling me in three weeks about scheduling my first home visit (where they come and check out your house and ask you eight million questions about the deepest matters of your soul).
SURE. WHY NOT. Never mind that there is currently nothing about my apartment that suggests accommodation of an actual human child. Never mind that it's so unnaturally tidy that they'll think I just cleaned up a murder scene. Never mind the two crazy orange things with claws taking each other apart in the middle of the living room, they'll be great with kids, I swear.
Wednesday, January 4
2011, still in progress
For 2011 I made a resolution to gradually change my eating habits to more healthful ones. I guess you could say I kept it, in the sense that my diet at the start of 2012 is better than it was then. I'm particularly happy that I finally figured out what to eat for breakfast that's quick and actually works (shredded wheat—sometimes classic solutions are best!). I'm also cooking much more than I was, and eating less junk food.
I still eat more junk than I should. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, I've taken fairly drastic steps to remind myself to choose the right foods, such as keeping paper lists of all the food in my house and putting them in places I'll see them. (For some people this would probably be a trigger to overeat, but for me it's a reminder that there's produce in the bins and beans in the pantry, and I need to take the time to prepare those foods instead of passing over them for easier calories.)
I'm more aware than ever that for me, passive screen time (television, movies) is tightly connected to emotional eating. This has increased my commitment to not having television at home, and to limiting how much access I have to DVDs and the internet.
I've stopped regularly reading fitness and nutrition advice that equates healthful eating with low-calorie eating. I avoid thinking too much about the calorie, fat, or carbohydrate content of food. I focus more on trying new foods and learning new cooking skills. In 2011, I gained weight—I'm a few pounds short of the highest weight I've ever been—and I'm confident that I'm also the healthiest, physically and mentally, that I have been since childhood.
2012 will, I hope, bring more of the same. I'm not doing a new resolution this year, both because I'm still working on the old one and because the beginning of 2012 doesn't happen to be the right time for me to make any major lifestyle changes.
I still eat more junk than I should. As recently as a couple of weeks ago, I've taken fairly drastic steps to remind myself to choose the right foods, such as keeping paper lists of all the food in my house and putting them in places I'll see them. (For some people this would probably be a trigger to overeat, but for me it's a reminder that there's produce in the bins and beans in the pantry, and I need to take the time to prepare those foods instead of passing over them for easier calories.)
I'm more aware than ever that for me, passive screen time (television, movies) is tightly connected to emotional eating. This has increased my commitment to not having television at home, and to limiting how much access I have to DVDs and the internet.
I've stopped regularly reading fitness and nutrition advice that equates healthful eating with low-calorie eating. I avoid thinking too much about the calorie, fat, or carbohydrate content of food. I focus more on trying new foods and learning new cooking skills. In 2011, I gained weight—I'm a few pounds short of the highest weight I've ever been—and I'm confident that I'm also the healthiest, physically and mentally, that I have been since childhood.
2012 will, I hope, bring more of the same. I'm not doing a new resolution this year, both because I'm still working on the old one and because the beginning of 2012 doesn't happen to be the right time for me to make any major lifestyle changes.
Sunday, December 25
WIW Christmas Day
Belt: Eddie Bauer
Jeans: Paige Denim
I don't know what y'all think about "what I wore" posts. I'm guessing it's some combination of, Whoa, that's self-aggrandizing and superficial, and, Actually, it's kind of interesting to read Susan's take on how clothes work, but you won't catch me admitting it!
Luckily for you, I'm too camera-shy to do WIWs on anything like a regular basis. But today it was necessary to do one to celebrate a special occasion: someone had the guts to pick out clothes for me for Christmas! Let me tell you, it's been years since any of my friends or family have been brave enough to try this. But this year, Richard decided to give it a shot.
I usually wear knits, because it's easy for me to look boxy in stiffer wovens. This woven top came with a skinny ribbon belt that didn't do anything for me, but when I took it out and added a medium-width, soft leather belt, presto, I had the waist definition I crave. I wasn't sure at first about doing this gray-green color with my skin tone, but now that I'm looking at the photo I can see that this is actually a natural match for my coloring. Good job, bro!
Like many women, I'm often too quick to default to snug knitted tops. I'm so afraid of losing waist definition that I end up wearing something that's fitted all over. The truth is, a top that's less fitted but can be belted at the waist is feminine yet much more modest (and to my eye, more visually appealing than something that shows every line of the body).
Let me know if you want to see more WIWs! I will gladly do one in honor of anyone brave enough to buy clothing for me. :D
Merry Christmas!
Thursday, November 24
Only one this year
Usually I name three random things I'm grateful for, but this year I'm just going with the first one I thought of: the guy whose car I backed into in the summer of 2010*, who started a claim with my insurance agency and then never finished it.
Yup, that's right. I backed into some stranger's parked car, made him listen to me whine about how stupid I was for doing it, and he paid the bill to repair it himself. It still freaks me out when I think how much kinder and more generous a person that guy is than I will ever be.
Happy Thanksgiving!
* Public service announcement: Don't drive emotional, you guys. Sit down, have a cup of tea, and get your head together first.
Yup, that's right. I backed into some stranger's parked car, made him listen to me whine about how stupid I was for doing it, and he paid the bill to repair it himself. It still freaks me out when I think how much kinder and more generous a person that guy is than I will ever be.
Happy Thanksgiving!
* Public service announcement: Don't drive emotional, you guys. Sit down, have a cup of tea, and get your head together first.
Saturday, November 19
I have a credit score.
Pretty much the first thing I did when my credit reports came back empty was apply for another credit card. It came in the mail Friday, and with it came my score from Equifax (apparently the only service my credit union sends information to).
I'm aware of how incredibly tacky it is to be talking about my finances on my blog (and believe me, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't felt seriously in need of advice from as many people as possible). So don't worry, I'm not going to announce my credit score on my blog.
But, in short, the score is okay, despite my lack of installment loan history. It's not top-of-the-line or anything, but it's fine. This is good news, but now I need to work on building up my credit on a card that will actually report to multiple places.
So one last fun fact about my credit history: apparently I'm penalized for the fact that I have "no recent revolving balances." Well, of course I don't. I pay off my damn credit card every month! Again, I realize how fortunate I am to be in this situation, but come on. What is up with a system that penalizes you for never having carried a balance on a credit card?
I've seen the horrible things that credit card debt does to people, and I hope I'll never be so hard up for money that I'll be tempted to carry a balance on a card. It makes me incredibly sad to think that our lending system rewards people for starting down a road that leads to such an awful place.
I'm aware of how incredibly tacky it is to be talking about my finances on my blog (and believe me, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't felt seriously in need of advice from as many people as possible). So don't worry, I'm not going to announce my credit score on my blog.
But, in short, the score is okay, despite my lack of installment loan history. It's not top-of-the-line or anything, but it's fine. This is good news, but now I need to work on building up my credit on a card that will actually report to multiple places.
So one last fun fact about my credit history: apparently I'm penalized for the fact that I have "no recent revolving balances." Well, of course I don't. I pay off my damn credit card every month! Again, I realize how fortunate I am to be in this situation, but come on. What is up with a system that penalizes you for never having carried a balance on a credit card?
I've seen the horrible things that credit card debt does to people, and I hope I'll never be so hard up for money that I'll be tempted to carry a balance on a card. It makes me incredibly sad to think that our lending system rewards people for starting down a road that leads to such an awful place.
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